Can you review my editorial [HOMEWORK]?

What I am looking for is comments on the actual writing. Then comment on the arguments. Most beneficial review(doesn't mean you agree, means you helped me the most) will receive 10 points/best answer.



Thanks.



TOPIC: Inappropriate pep rallies. Reference picture: http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-鈥?/a>



Just note, the shirts were later stripped off. Dances included but not limited to pelvic thrusts.



TITLE: Fool me twice, shame on you



CONTENT:

At what point do we draw the line? For the last two years the administration has been unethical to permit students to perform certain activities in recent pep rallies. Last year it was the football team parading in dresses, and now this year they were dressed in female gym shorts. It certainly was not a one-time mistake, and it should be addressed.

Having school spirit is great; however it should not be raised using improper methods. Having young men parade around in a sexual way is clearly not appropriate, especially in a school environment. Not only were they wearing questionable material but they were also projecting their bodies in a sensual way. Therefore, according to Motion Picture Association of America standards, it would classify it as a PG-13 performance. Considering that PG-13 movies require parental permission, what would justify them to perform in this fashion?

Adding to the problem, for the people offended鈥攍ike me鈥攖hey would be punished for refusing to watch it. Pep rallies are mandatory, they should not. Having school spirit, just like patriotism, is a choice of a student. To put them in an environment where they are pressured to show support something they do not even support is unfair. And the issue is amplified more when it is inappropriate.

The worst offense is that this has happened twice. If the administration cannot learn to handle it the first time, they haven鈥檛 learned or they haven鈥檛 taken the initiative to do what is right. A solution to these problems is to put more strict rules on dances and to allow an alternative to the pep rally. An example of an alternative is to allow people to do homework in the commons.Can you review my editorial [HOMEWORK]?
First of all your choice of words make your argument come across nicely and your point of view is clear.



I do not know if you are in high school or middle school, if you were in middle school i agree with the PG-13 statement. If you are in high school well yo know that barely anybody is 13. You also have to keep in mind what kind of generation we are in. Sex sells, and it never fails to grab the attention of viewers, weather it be at a rally or at a theatre.



And you my dear, are right. you should be able to refuse to watch it if it personally goes against your ethics and morals.



Good job!Can you review my editorial [HOMEWORK]?
i have no idea.......your welcome %26lt;3