Transgendered: Little confused here.?

Okay, I'm gay, I'm a man, and I just don't quite get the "transgendered" thing. I have a hard time accepting this as "real".





I once knew a guy who claimed transgendered; he felt he was a woman trapped in a man's body. But yet, you talk to him, and he was genuinely into the guy things -- more so than me. Football, stock car racing, rodeo, fast cars; He talked like a man, walked like a man, related as a man. He wore women's clothing, but only jeans and shirts with the snaps/buttons going the other direction, never dresses, skirts etc. When pressed, he simply stated that he felt "less of a man" than other men, did not believe that he "measured up" to the stigma of maleness, especially in terms of violence (still stuck in that juvenile thinking that how well you fight and who's @$$ you could kick was the measure of a man). He was severely beaten by his Dad one day when he was caught playing with dolls -- a very normal thing for boys to do.





Assuming my description of this guy is accurate, would you consider him "transgendered"? Or, would you consider him severely lacking in self-esteem and confused about what it means to be a male?





Is it possible that some may identify as transgendered because their sexual preference is so abhorrent to them that they need to create some kind of psychological problem to explain it?





Is transgendered accepted by the American Psychological Association?





Why do you feel you are transgendered?





Can you explain this to me?





I understand in reading my question that it may come across as judgmental, bigoted or biased, but in reality, this is my confusion on the topic. If you perceive this from me, please accept that it is not so.|||Transgendered is an adjective used to describe people who present various forms of gender expression.





Transsexual is an adjective used to describe people who suffer from Transsexualism. As people can not *be* medical conditions, calling a person "a Transsexual" or identifying one's self as "a Transsexual" is illogical. The reason people accept the label "Transsexual" is because the original definition of the word was distorted by an ignorant society, and society loves labels.





Transsexualism is a legitimate, fairly well understood physical birth condition wherein the brain of a biologically male fetus is not masculinized, or the brain of a biologically female fetus is masculinized. The result is a person born with the brain of one gender in the body of the other gender. Since the brain can't be changed (nor should it) doctors use cross-hormone therapy and surgery to correct the body so it looks as close as possible to how it should for the person's mental gender. While the person does not change genetically, or retain the ability to procreate, they are in all other ways exactly the same as the rest of the population whose gender they now share.





According to the HBS website, people are never "transsexuals." This is copied word-for-word.





"People born with Harry Benjamin Syndrome are persons with a binary gender orientation of either Man or Woman, as any other typical person within society. Their identity is woman or man, never "transsexual". Therefore they need a complete physical rehabilitation in order to function sexually and develop socially as any other individual within our society."


- Source: http://shb-info.org/hbs.html





So I find pj's answer to be especially confusing, seeing as how pj professes to be "a transsexual", but yet here she is proudly running an Harry Benjamin Syndrome group


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/pennyjane/|||If someone says they are transgendered, they usually are. One knows themselves better than anyone else. The man you are describing could be a transwoman and still like "guy" things. There are girls that like football and fast cars, and there are guys that like chick flicks and make-up (seriously). As Denver has already explained, "Transgender" is an umbrella term for people who feel like their gender identity does not match up to their biological sex. It includes transsexual, crossdressers, genderqueer---he was at least a crossdresser if not transsexual. So yes, I consider him transgendered if he believed that his biological sex, male, did not fit him.





By sexual preference you mean who we're attracted to, correct? Some people do think that those that call themselves transgendered do so because they can't deal with being gay or lesbian. It is NOT true! Gender identity and sexual orientation are COMPLETELY different! For instance, I'm a transsexual male and I am bisexual. Transgendered individuals can be straight, bisexual, gay, asexual, etc.





Transsexuals (and anyone who is transgendered) are BORN that way. The current theory is that at some point during development as an embryo, some are washed over with hormones that trigger changes in the body and reprogram the brain; however, in some cases there is a mistake, and not enough hormones are released, only enough to change either the body (resulting in males who are intellectually and emotionally female) or mind (resulting in females who are intellectually and emotionally male, like myself). Since we can't fix our brain, which has it hardwired that we are really male (or female if you're a transweoman) we have to fix our body to match the brain. The man you are talking about wore female clothes in an effort to get others to perceive him as female. If he is indeed a transsexual woman, SHE will most likely get hormone therapy and a sex change.





I am a transsexual because I KNOW I'm male. Like I said, my brain is telling me I was meant to be male. I am uncomfortable in this female body to the point of being suicidal (up until recently). I know I can't live as a person I'm not. I know to truly be happy in life I need to transition to be the man I really am. To be honest, unless you are transsexual you will never fully understand this.|||He's a genderqueer or crossdresser...if he is into guy things,talks like a man,etc. like you mentioned,that's really not being transgendered. Someone transgendered has a desire to have and be everything of the opposite gender and don't want or like anything about their gender.





Like me,I'm a transgendered and am a male in a girl's body,I'm not on to girl stuff just like other trans people are not into stuff or act like their own gender,but the opposite one....|||Those replies I have read before my own are amazing by the way! Everything seems to be told; all proper terms explained properly and all. I was wondering whether to add my own answer or not until I read one answer that said: If he is a trans-gender, she will likely get operated (sorry I didn't copy paste and don't remember the exact formulation of the sentence). That makes me want to add up my own experience as a point of clarification.


My mind is male, my body female and I seem to be bi-sexual with a great preference for females. Those who know me and have an eye for it find it obvious that I am male, though I also like to play the role of a female in society, it's like a game to me. Now am I a cross-dresser for it? It gets a little complicated huh?


Anyhow I am quite happy being who I am, and am happily married with a female in the body of a male. I believe that to feel acknowledged for who we are intimately was one of the factors that brought us together the most.


As I enjoy dressing as a female and passing for one among most people, well I see nothing wrong with just enjoying the wonderful body I'm in! And even though I've deeply considered going through everything one's got to go through to be physically fitting my minds, I've learned to accept and enjoy to be like this.


I got to say, feeling loved for who I am helped a lot, and I also want to be a dad a lot :)|||to me, your question doesn't sound offensive in any way....sounds like inquisitiveness....a very good thing...the antithesis of bigotry, searching for understanding.





it's impossible to diagnose your friend from here...in the end, you just have to go with "she is what she says she is."





transsexualism, which i think is what you are talking about specifically, isn't expressed in any particular way. transsexuals are simply people whose inner gender identity is the opposite of the gender represented by their biology. many transwomen, like so many cisgender women, are into football, hunting, fishing...all those stereotypical male things....they still IDENTIFY as women. transwomen are as unique as individuals as anyone else, we're all over the map.





transsexualism is noted in psychological literature as a real diagnosis, transsexuals are, as i said...people born with one inner gender identity and the opposite physical secondary sex characteristics.





i feel i am transsexual because i identify as a female inside and yet was born with a perfectly healthy male body.





"explaining it" is a lot harder than just accepting it. i doubt, if you have never experienced gender/body mis match, that any explanation i can give will make you "understand" it. it's just this simple, nothing more - nothing less....we are people who believe in our hearts and minds that we are the opposite gender than our bodies profess at birth.





i'm glad you are open to hearing explanations and i hope you can learn to just accept it as it is....i promise you, it is real.....way too real for many. transsexuals can't escape it, we can't get over it or get past it.....it is a condition of our birth that will stay with us for as long as we are alive. i will be transsexual as long as i live....regardless of what i ever do or don't do about it....i was born with the body of one sex and the gender identity of the other. that's the only definition of transsexual.





"transgender" is another whole ball of wax.....that word can mean virtually anything anyone wants it to mean...any variance from cisgender identity or expression, no matter how slight or how profound, can be called transgender....anything at all.





thank you for your question and i hope this helps a little.





much love and hope. pj|||For whatever reason, your friend felt like a woman in a man's body. You ask us to overlook any perceived faults and accept you at your word. Why can't you do the same and accept your friend at her word?





There are things you'll never understand; how it feels to be a dog, how it feels to be a bird, how it feels to be a woman. You're a gay man, many men have no idea how you can stomach being intimate with another man - yet there you are... outside their realm of understanding.





See, feelings can't be described. Only objects can be described using words. To describe a feeling, we always liken it unto other things, "I felt light as air", "I feel like my heart will burst", etc.





I'm transgendered with a twist, I'm genderqueer - so I can not tell you what its like to feel as if I were a woman inside. I can only describe for you what it is I feel inside - a little male, a lot of woman, and there's some stuff in here here for which there are no words. Can you tell us how it feels to be a man?





APA be damned, I know what I feel and even if I'm the only one in the whole world who gets me, its good enough for me - much better than the whole world trying to tell me I'm something I know I'm not.





And thanks for trying to understand - that goes a looooong way!





Peace ~ Lola|||Theres a slight difference between "Transgendered" and "Transsexual"





Transgender is a term for people who bend the norms of their assigned gender at birth. So crossdressers and transsexuals fit into the category of transgendered.





Transsexuals are people who's mind is wired to be the opposite gender of the sex they were assigned at birth. So a transsexual's brain is wired male/female while their sex organs are female/male.





Gender = between the ears


Sex = between the legs.





Sex is what we use to determine gender when a baby is born because most of the time the gender of the brain matches the sexual organs.




















Ok that being said, this person was probably just a crossdresser, not a full blown transsexual like myself.





He/she probably just felt a euphoric sensation or sense of pride dressing as a female, or this person could be gender variant (gender queer).




















I have known I am a girl since I can remember. I was never quite "beaten" for dressing as a girl, and my dad bought me dolls (he's always been very supportive) but I am a female, I'm not a man who can't handle being a man.








I have nothing in common with men, and I have no desire to fulfill the role of manhood. I never have. I'm simply a female born with male sexual organs.