I feel really depressed & have the need to cry. I need inspiration.?

Ok I am a 16 male %26amp; I just have this situation where I really need help as I am feeling quite depressed %26amp; its making me want to cry yet I just cannot cry for some reason. Well I'll start my story from the beginning.



I live in Australia my mum is an irish dancin teacher %26amp; each year there are the Australian irish dancin nationals where somewhere in Australia every year the nationals are held %26amp; every one who does irish dancin competes. So basically I did dancin for a few years %26amp; I quit when i was like oneto or something (I dont know why) But as my sister %26amp; cousins %26amp; family friends do dancin as well, for the nationals I would go with my family to watch. Each year nationals is held in a different place so I get to go to other states %26amp; cities which is awesome %26amp; fun for just over a week. Anyways so of cause you see a whole heap of boys %26amp; girl compete %26amp; by the end of it all, it becomes really depressing as you see kids crying cause they did not get a place, %26amp; some who won all their solo dances %26amp; team dancers %26amp; just happy %26amp; I sit there %26amp; I think, WOW. It's just really dramatic. %26amp; to hear all the bitching %26amp; drama that goes %26amp;, %26amp; to be there just witnessing it all is just kind of depressing. I have a few friends in the irish dancin association that i see each year, %26amp; might talk to them online every now %26amp; then %26amp; its fun to talk to them all %26amp; They are always like why don't you do dancin %26amp; I just sayy mmmmm I dunno. %26amp; I really want to again as I really want to be in the situation of being nervous befor I dance %26amp; if i do well, every one will complement me for weeks about it %26amp; I would love that attention. But my mum will not let me, as I underst%26amp; where she is coming from cause we never really got along in the dancin classes when I did it %26amp; so I think thats the reason why I stopped as I loved the relationship I used to have with my mother %26amp; which I have back again now :D

%26amp; I wouldn't go to another dancin studio as that is just weird. But Just watching it all It makes me very very very sad. So I got back from it all today %26amp; After every year I think to myself, wow I really wanna do something similar, but then I just don't. I forget about it.



Anyways so thats like half my problem as now I really want to take something up, where I can start something %26amp; be really good at it %26amp; just get that awesome feeling of knowing I am actually good at something %26amp; people complimenting me on it to which is great :D

I am not an attention seeker, trust me, but I just wanna get out there. Within my life time I have tried, cricket, basket ball, soccer, football, karate. Which i quit as I didn't much enjoy or was good at. I loved swimming %26amp; every now %26amp; then I will go %26amp; swim but I don't want to go into the olympics or anything for swimming. Nor swimming competitions. I also do drama which I love %26amp; I don't think I am a great actor, I have only done one theatre performance %26amp; I guess that was when it was my turn to shine %26amp; I loved but It just was not the same. I have another one coming up but i guess we will find out %26amp; see. I also did a play in year 5 which every one loved %26amp; it was fun doing it I guess but with my drama I only like going to classes %26amp; I dont really enjoy learning the script %26amp; practicing it. I just love doing drama classes but not really wanting to go into the performance theatre %26amp; feel my time to shine there.



I started piano, %26amp; so far so good, I don't want to loose motivation in it cause it gets to hard, %26amp; I can't read the music %26amp; stuff like that. I am trying to keep it up. I do enjoy it, but I also want to take something else up, something different %26amp; something new %26amp; have my time to shine to the world %26amp; show every one what I have got. But I am not good at anything which sucks soooooo much!!!!!! I need help at finding out what else I am good at as well as enjoying it. %26amp; this is tearing my to pieces.



I know I am only 16 %26amp; It seems I am very young, But I start 12th grade in less than a week, %26amp; that is my final year of schooling %26amp; It seems like as if every one comes down to an end %26amp; I cannot take up anything new %26amp; have my chance to shine. I am not smart %26amp; not dumb either. I just do school %26amp; yeah. I have not the slightest clue of what I want to do when I am older. I really do want to go to university but I don't know what I want to study. I don't want to live a boring life with getting married %26amp; having children, then having a job just working my *** off trying to get wages to support my family.

I want to live a career %26amp; enjoy it. Yes get paid for it, but not doing a job just to earn wages. But cause I really want to be there. Yes I would also love to have a family %26amp; wife but it seems as if life is to short to squeeze everything in.

So with my final grade of schooling I got no idea what I want to do but I am aiming to do well. So that is why it seems like I have no time to really have my chance to shine.



I hope this is all making sense. Thanks heaps :)I feel really depressed %26amp; have the need to cry. I need inspiration.?
No one is going to read this. Including me.



Also, 'Em' - stellar contribution there.